yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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