hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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