my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
