if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
