Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
