i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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