WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
