I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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