im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
