i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
