i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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