Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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