Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
