well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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