this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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