Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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