I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
