I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
