Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
