I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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