Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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