I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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