My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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