SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
