She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
