you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
