So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
