I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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