We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize