i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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