There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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