I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
