its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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