I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
