No, you can still breathe under the balls.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
