I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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