she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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