i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
