Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
