Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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