you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
