I want to stick my p in your. b.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
