if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
