before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
