The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
