Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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