Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
