i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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