I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
