My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
