Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
