he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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