Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
