I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize