So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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