AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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