Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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