I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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