omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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