Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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