Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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