Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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