I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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