period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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