You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
