so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
