Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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