Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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