Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
