feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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