3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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