If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
