he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize