i already hear my dad disowning me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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