If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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