There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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