He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
