mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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