i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
