i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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