I faked an abortion last night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Every concussion has its silver lining
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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