Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
