There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
