"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
