I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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