discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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