FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
