Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
