i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize