better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
