You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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