So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
