i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
