I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I didn't notice because vodka
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
