Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was born a porn star she said
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
