Well douche your snatch and let's go!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
