He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
