I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
vagina is talking i cant
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
