Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
