3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
