Duck Duck Cougar?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
